If you've seen the movie "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," you know the Grail Knight. According to the story, he was one of three brothers who discovered the Holy Grail – the cup that Jesus Christ used at the Last Supper – said to possess supernatural powers, including the ability to heal and grant eternal life. Deemed the most worthy of the three, the Grail Knight was chosen to guard the cup throughout the ages.Although a minor character in the movie, this noble fellow has major wisdom for every dad, especially those of us with daughters. What I learned from him, I pass on to you:
- I'm watching over a priceless treasure – My daughters were created by God in his image with an immortal soul and an eternal destiny. They were fully known and fully loved by him from the beginning of time. There are all sorts of formulas for calculating how much it costs to raise a child to adulthood, but God has written on the initial sales tag: "Priceless!"
- I'm the guardian, not the owner – It's natural for us fathers to think of our children as "our children" – well, except maybe when they're misbehaving, in which case they're my wife's children! But because God made my daughters, they really belong to him. He has given me the awesome privilege and responsibility of protecting, providing for, instructing and guiding them to adulthood.
- It is a holy calling – Because I'm fulfilling God's assignment with God's property, whenever I deal with my daughters, I'm on holy ground. Fathering requires confidence and strength, but also humility and reverence.
- I need to seek God's guidance – When Indiana Jones first encounters the Grail Knight, he's kneeling in prayer before the Scriptures. As a father, that's a good place for me to be, both in terms of guiding my own walk of faith, but also in gaining the knowledge and perspective for raising children. Books on parenting, advice from friends, input from doctors and other experts are also essential.
- I must prove myself worthy – The Grail Knight was chosen from among his brothers because he was the most worthy, the one whose character was equal to the calling. It's the same with us fathers, especially when raising daughters. Evidence shows that girls will grow up and seek men like their father, for better or for worse. If you've been distant, uncaring or abusive, they'll look for a guy like that, hoping to fix with that relationship what they were unable to fix with you. If you've been a man of integrity, loving and kind-hearted, they will seek out a man like that.
- I have to stand my post – This sounds ridiculously simply, but it's true: You cannot fulfill your role as provider/protector unless you're there. Truth is, a lot of fathering is simply showing up, physically, mentally and emotionally.
- My stewardship is only for a season – Ultimately, our daughters will grow up and be on their own. As fathers, we need to know when and how to gracefully step aside. And for many of us, another man will come along and vie for the right to take on the role of provider/protector. When the Grail Knight saw Indy, he remarked, "Knew you'd come." So be vigilant and defend against the pretenders, but like our noble friend, have the wisdom to recognize the one when he arrives, and the grace to pass the torch to him.
Some closing thoughts...
Unfortunately, unlike a character in a movie, we will not always live up to God's standard. Speaking for myself, I've blown it more times than I can count, sometimes very badly. When those times come – and they will come – don't be too proud or afraid to say "I'm sorry." Those simple words will speak healing into your child's life and yours.
Finally, remember these three phrases: "I love you," "I believe in you," and "I'm sorry." They are among the most powerful words a father can ever say, and most of us don't say them nearly enough. Tender words are not signs of weakness or vulnerability. On the contrary, they show a father's true strength.
To all of the fathers out there, Godspeed!
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