Desperate for You

I listen to and play a lot of Christian music. I have my favorites, of course. But even in a good song, there are lines that I just don't relate to. "Breathe" is a good example. Great melody, and good lyrics:

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

So far so good. But whenever I'd get to the line "I'm desperate for you," I always thought it was, well, corny. "Desperate for you"? Come on. How about something a little less emotional, like "I'm longing for you"? I guess I've always been a bit self-conscious about emotionalism. But that's changed...

Over the last couple of years, I've gone through a period of doubt with my faith. Not doctrinal stuff like does prayer work, but foundational stuff: Is God really there? Do I really believe what I say I believe, or do I just want it to be true? I've been following Christ for most of my life, so this has been a tough time for me.

Books have helped, including John Ortberg's latest book "Faith and Doubt." If you've not read it, it's worth checking out. John's book didn't answer all of my questions, of course, and didn't claim to. No book could. But it did help reaffirm one truth that is helping me move through this valley of the shadow of doubt.

We have a lot of control over many of our decisions in life, but beyond our time here on earth, we're utterly powerless. (I already knew that, and you know it, too. But maybe because I've been "doing church" for so long, I took my eyes off of that core truth.) In response to this powerlessness, we have two options: 1) despair or 2) throw ourselves on the mercy of our Creator.

Henry David Thoreau said that "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." One could argue that we all lead lives of desperation, that is, we're either desperate for God or desperate without him. I'm taking the God option.

So the song was right after all: "I'm desperate for you." We sang it at our Friday night music jam. I find it ironic that a line I couldn't relate to has become a lifeline I now cling to. That's how it is in the journey of faith. Full of surprises, and in this case, a happy one.